Not a Babysitter, Not a Nanny.

Many of you were followers of my first blogging venture, I'm Not a Babysitter, I'm a Nanny.

Many of you have also asked me in recent days where this blog has disappeared to.

It has been more than 3 months since my last post here.  Much longer than I intended to stay away...

But so much has changed in those 3 months, I'm not sure where to start.

I haven't seen Mia & Lucy or Capra & Ivy in weeks.  That's the biggest change.

I have a new job.  A real job.  My first.

It's a full-time, real, American, big-girl job.  In mortgage banking, no less.  I have a regular paycheck, health insurance, a 401k and I haven't changed a diaper in ages.

On an even more surprising note...I love it.

It hasn't been easy, though.  It was time & I knew that.  I broke the news to Jenn, Ashley, my boss & families at the church when I found out that I had been hired by my new company.  There were tears, hugs, smiles & "congratulations"...some more tears...

I didn't have a "last day" with Mia & Lucy.  I think Jenn & I both purposely avoided it.

But I kept them for a weekend not long before I started my new job while Jenn and JP went to a wedding out of town.  On the last night, Brian came & we took them to dinner and out for ice cream, which we'd done so many times together before.

As I was tucking Lucy into her bed that night, it suddenly hit me that that would be the last time I would put them to bed.  I stood stunned for a minute in the middle of her room as a flood of memories came to me.

I was already working for them when Lucy was born.  I spent many hours sitting in that room holding sweet Lucy, feeding or rocking & singing to her.  Tucking her in, kissing her goodnight.

I picked her up out of her bed then and hugged her for a long time...probably confusing the poor kid terribly.

Then I went back into Mia's room and hugged her for a long time, too.  I think she understood.  I told her how much I loved her and how much I was going to miss her and promised her that I would always be nearby.

Then I went downstairs and cried on Brian's shoulder for about an hour.

Like I said, it was time & I knew that.  But I wasn't as ready for it as I thought I was.

I was a part of Mia and Lucy's every day life for 4 years, well for Lucy's entire life...and now I'm not.

That's the hardest part.

In these last couple of months I've done so much thinking about this chapter in my life.

I did a quick count off the top of my head of the children I've taken care of over the years and I got to 40 almost without even trying.

All I've ever done is babysit.  Since I was 13 years old...

It's been such a huge part of my life and it's been such a blessing.  And such an honor.

But it's time to move on.  It's time to grow up.

I can't think of anything more fitting than for Mia and Lucy to walk down the aisle ahead of me as I marry Brian.  I wouldn't have it any other way.

To all of the families that have allowed me to be such an important part of your children's lives:  

I want to say thank you.  I will always feel blessed to have been entrusted with the care of your precious babies.  My life has been so rich because of the love your families have given me.

To Jenn and John Paul: 

Words cannot express the gratitude I feel toward you for the last 4 years.  You gave me the opportunity to make the very, very long and gradual transition from my childhood into adulthood.  I wouldn't be the person I am today if it wasn't for you, I will always be grateful to you, and I will always love you.

And to my Mia and Lucy:

I know it's hard for you to understand why you don't see me everyday anymore. It's hard for me to understand, too.  But I hope that you'll always remember our precious days together.  I hope you'll remember how much fun we had.  I hope you'll always know that it was such a special part of my life to watch you grow and learn.  I hope that I taught you as many lessons as you taught me.  I hope you know that I will never be very far away.  And I hope that you will always know, deep down in your hearts, that I love you very much.  And I always will.